ENERGY PROFILE FOR DECEMBER

APPROACH WITH AN INTENT TO LEARN AND UNDERSTAND





Have you ever felt uneasy with someone BEFORE a word was spoken? Perhaps this happened with a boss, co-worker, friend, parent, partner, lover, your child or even with a stranger.

A conversation does not begin with words.  It begins with the "energy platform" we deliver the words on.  Kinda similar to the plate a meal is served on....except we don't eat the plate!  But if the plate is dirty or cracked or somehow unsightly, it affects the taste of the food.  Right? In fact, you may be so consumed with the grossness of the plate that you cannot taste, appreciate or even focus on the food.

The energy platform is created from our thoughts, emotions, perceptions, beliefs, memories, and intentions.

Let's say you've had a hurtful experience with a friend and it is never resolved. The hurt still lives inside of you.  Then months later you approach your friend to give her some feedback about a comment she made and she reacts before you can hardly begin.  The question is:  is she reacting to your words or to your energies?  Were the energies that delivered your words charged with blame and accusation not only from this incident but from the past situation that was never resolved?

The energy platform precedes an exchange of words or actions and is heard and reacted/responded to FIRST and FOREMOST before the words or actions take place.  Make sense?  Have you experienced this?

In working with couples and parents in session, this is a common scenario I have experienced.  Your partner says something to you and the words may be decent but your stomach flip-flops and you feel  insulted or defensive. What occurs next may not make sense to you or your partner--you overreact, you stonewall the conversation, you become cold and withdraw to the consternation of your partner.

The more we become aware of the energy aspect of our conversations and interactions, the less confusing and more effective our interactions can be.

There are two basic energy approaches we can take in interacting with others either with our words, looks, or interactions.  They are:

       #1 approach with an intent to learn and understand

       #2 approach with an intent to blame, criticize and punish


Approach with an Intent to Learn and Understand.

An approach begins in the Mind and Heart. If you are harboring in your heart the energies of anger, resentment, bitterness, hurt feelings, revenge, criticalness, judgment, envy, jealousy, accusation, distrust and so on, it will be part of your interactions with everyone, but especially with the person who may have created these energies within you.  There is no way to hide these energies, although most of us think that we do. 

When we approach with an Intent to Learn and Understand we cannot use the above energies.  If we do, it immediately shifts our 'approach' to the other approach. 

Approaching with an Intent to Learn and Understand means that we move into observer position and we approach with a sincere desire to learn and understand about the other person or situation.  It helps us to remain open to new information which teaches us things about oneself and others that we do not see when we do #2 approach. 

Approaching from an Intent to Learn and Understand does the following:

  • diminishes need to defend and attack
  • enables us to listen and hear from our heart
  • keeps us open to new information about self and others
  • diminishes power struggles and right/wrong approach
  • keeps the other person from becoming defensive and shutting down to what we are trying to say or share
  • sheds light on a situation from a different angle which enables us to perhaps move off of our position or at least see the other persons position with more empathy and understanding
  • allows us to create connections with others
  • allows us to 'walk in their shoes'
  • keeps us out of the past....projecting and reliving old experiences so we can begin to create the kind of loving experiences we desire
  • extends to others a respectful and honoring energy
  • brings the energy of Love into the situation
  • increases desire to take responsibility and accountability on the part of both sides

Approaching from an Intent to Blame, Criticize and Punish does the following:

  • creates reactiveness and defensiveness on both sides
  • limits ability to listen and hear the other person
  • discounts, shames and belittles
  • minimizes other persons feelings
  • blankets the interaction with disrespect and misunderstanding
  • emphasizes the need to 'prove' to others our point of view or our position insinuating that it is the 'right' one
  • uses guilt and shame to manipulate
  • creates feelings of vulnerability and not feeling emotionally and spiritually safe
  • focuses on judgment and what is wrong
  • encourages a competitive energy to win and be right
  • sets up a dynamic where no one wants to take responsibility or accountability for fear of being seen as wrong or at fault
  • individuals tend to 'play victim'
  • encourages 'denial' of our feelings or the other persons feelings
  • creates disconnection and separation

It is easy to see after reading these two lists which approach creates what we all want which is loving and fulfilling interactions with others.  The above
energy schematic is encoded with the information your subconscious mind needs to begin to shift into Approaching with an Intent to Learn and Understand.  The changes are subtle so watch for them.  You may find yourself hesitating in accusing someone of something and hold back before you speak.  YES!  You may not consciously know what to do but this is a step in the direction of changing an old habit and approach. 

Questions, call or e-mail me.  I would love to assist you.

Namaste, Gloria